It has been how many years now, and yet, he hasn’t popped the question? Or she has not even shown signs of settling down yet – she changes the topic whenever you talk about marriage! That can be frustrating, eh?
For starters, know that partners are not always on the same page when it comes to marriage readiness. Moreover, you two are different people with unique sets of ideas and experiences. Perhaps, your partner had a planned age to get married!
Also, that your partner isn't showing the signs or asking the questions you wanted doesn't mean non-committance. Who knows, they might already be planning a surprise proposal?
Regardless, we understand it can be exhausting when you think your partner is not as ready as you are for marriage. But there is a way out, you don’t have to be gloomy and down. This article contains tips that can help you manage the situation.
Are You REALLY Ready?
Before we talk about your partner, let's handle you first. Be introspective - are you prepared for marriage? While you might think and hurry to say yes, take time to search deep within yourself. Once you do, write out the reasons you feel marriage is the next step for you. From your list, you would get an instant evaluation of your readiness!
Note: If you want marriage because it is all you see on social media feeds or because being single is tiring, maybe you're not as ready as you thought. Perhaps your partner even felt that, and that is why there is a delay.
Bottom line: We think you should only marry your partner because you love them and can only imagine your future with them. Anything else isn't strong enough to merit tying the knot! And even with the right reasons, marriages aren’t walks in the park - you need help. This guide can help with the planning:
Ask The Question
After circling down your reasons and being assured that marriage is the next step, ask how your partner feels about it. Understandably, the question might come off as awkward – but it isn't really. And asking doesn't mean you are overly assertive; it's your life, and being proactive about it isn't a crime.
More so, questions about settling down are some of the things you should have discussed with your partner within a year of your courtship. So, you probably have a clue on what or how your partner feels about marriage.
And mind you, even when the first response to your commitment inquiries go awry, don't waiver – it's quite normal in relationships. Neglect the seeming awkwardness and have the conversations as many times as possible.
Work With A Timeline
As much as you don't want to pressure yourself and your partner into tying the knot, it is best to establish a timeline. When will your partner be comfortable with your "serious" conversations?
Or has your partner committed already? If yes, so when can you expect the marriage?
You see, the list of questions could go on forever, and that might not be great for your plans. That is why you need a timeline. If you both are saying yes, when will it be? Next year? Or the next 6 years?
Bottom line: You need time to make your plans too. Weddings can be expensive and yes, you can plan one on a budget. Regardless, it is best to divide and conquer now rather than sourcing for funds late.
Also, if you are an older person, a long timeline might not work for you. That said, agree with your partner to a compromise that suits both of your goals. But what if the partner doesn't want a compromise?
Reach Out To A Counselor
Despite your patience and tenacity, your partner might choose to remain in their shell. Perhaps it is a worry they suffered from a young age – a fear about marriages they can’t outgrow. If that is the case, consider help.
By help, we mean you should reach out to a couple's counselor. With one, you can help your partner work through their fears of marriage and communicate their wants.
Patience is a virtue, but being aware is golden. If, despite your efforts, your partner wouldn't commit to you or the agreed timeline, end the relationship. It's easier said than done, but that is the best take in the long run. Why?
It is best to start over again than end up with a spouse who feels coerced to marry you. We hope that helps you get closure!