No one plans for a colorless and loveless marriage, but it can happen regardless - once the honeymoon phase has passed. In such crunch times, it would seem that love is just not enough; you won’t feel the spark you once felt with your spouse anymore. Worse: you now have children and expenses in the mix!
Well, such a scenario is bound to happen. And when it does, you don’t have to cave in and let go of your beautiful marriage. Instead, we’d advise you to rekindle the love – work for your love and family, and you'd see the sparkles once again.
How?
First, Accept The Situation
Indeed, you never thought a day would come where you'd feel a little less loved by your partner. Well, that day is here, and the first thing you should do is accept that it is completely normal to lose spark in all relationships.
And who knows, you and your spouse might have gotten so used to each other that you both stopped dating. Perhaps the marriage is now mostly like a civil relationship. Even that is normal - partners don't always feel in love.
In essence, accept the situation of things between you and your spouse – don't be in denial. Such an approach will help you tackle the issue from its root.
Where Did You Lose The Spark?
Once you accept that your marriage could use some help, find out where the issue started. If you can't guess the day, how about the month or season? What series of events led to the dull union? Or was the cause of the meltdown an outburst?
Pro tip: never take up the blame game. Instead, look in the mirror and see even if you have been a dutiful partner. That should give you closure!
In summary, you can’t rekindle the fire in your marriage without first knowing how it went wrong. So, be introspective – go back to the beginning of your love days. How have things changed? When did they change?
Your answers can then help you plan strategically towards bringing back your early marriage sparks. But before planning anything, do this:
Try Marriage Counseling
While you and your partner can solve your issues internally, sometimes it is beyond you both. Imagine that the cause of your seemingly loveless affair is intrinsic! There is no way you could probably resolve that.
For those reasons, we'd advise you to consult help. That is where marriage counseling comes in! Well, married couples can also ask friends and families for advice. But we think it might be best to find help from a neutral third party trained to rekindle marriages. Why?
For starters, marriage counselors won’t judge you or your spouse. More importantly, they know what questions to ask and the subtle way to do so without aggravating the issue. And with their help, you can finally get to the root of the seemingly lifeless union.
Suggested reading: How To Survive A Long Distance Marriage
Bring Back Intimacy
With the counselor's advice, plan a series of activities that would return the lost intimacy between you and your partner. Mind you: intimacy doesn't always mean romance. For now, we think it's even best to focus on having fun and getting each open to talking more freely.
The chances are that you and your partner have even stopped telling each other secrets. Now is the time to fix that. How?
- Try cooking a meal over a few cups of wine – that works like a charm. You both will lose the shackles and exchange ideas/gists in pure love. While you’re at it, you and your partner should wear a custom Mr. & Mrs. apron. Doing so is a subtle reminder to you two that the marriage is yours to fix and your lives – you both can’t chicken out now.
- Get the mind of your partner pulsating again with romantic dates outside the stress of work and family. You can make that your vacation – then, watch how a new environment and experience can retouch your marriage.
And oh, remember to subtly introduce yourselves as a couple to everyone that cares to listen during the trip. Try a custom Mr. and Mrs. luggage and passport holder for a start!
Pro tip: Plan activities that you and your partner enjoy doing – they can be the catalysts to rekindle your intimacy.
Be Appreciative And Calm
Despite your efforts towards rekindling your marriage spark, you might not see quick results. Regardless, always appreciate the efforts of your partner towards the mutual goal. More importantly, be patient – once you are, you'd see the spark again in your marriage gradually. Good luck!