In all relationships, blaming your partner is a deflecting tactic. It’s like papering over cracks, it leads nowhere!
And while the other party might indeed be the cause of the dire situation, blame games don't solve any problem. Instead, they draw wedges right at the heart of your beautiful relationship. Is that what you want? That’s unlikely!
So, do better. Take control of your marriage, stop the blame games, take responsibility, and reignite the passion of your love life. Here's how:
5 Ways To Resist The Urge Of Blame Game In Your Marriage
Blame games happen because there was an underlying issue to start. So, the first step to solving the insults and howling is to manage the "issues." How can you do that?
Search your behavior; was the “issue” even that pressing to start? Is it even why you started nagging and venting? Wasn’t there some spill over aggression from work or stress?
And say your partner was forgetful of things, would you be happy if he blamed you? How would you feel?
Bottom line: Be empathetic and introspective. More importantly, cut your partner some slack. How?
Talk But Listen More
Before you cut your partner some slack, you might want to hear them out. If your sweet-natured spouse turned cold suddenly, why not engage her in a conversation?
And note this: During the conversation, it is best to listen more than you talk. Remember that you want to know what’s up with your spouse! So, do that – stop the blame game and hear the explanations for the lapses.
But what if your partner doesn’t want to talk? Well, that can happen! It might be the environment, or perhaps the way you were all formal about “we need to talk.” In that case, why not try something fun?
You could go camping, in a relaxed venue to play and have fun. Then, you'd subtly ask your spouse to open up to you - it works. Oh, and while you are at it, load your backpack with some fancy candies!
Now, Control Only The Things Within Your Roles
For starters, we are not saying marriage should be monotonous with all sets of dos and don’ts. Regardless, it would be great if you and your partner could set clear boundaries on the “whats,” “whos,” and “hows.” By doing so, managing hiccups in your marriages would be like slicing cheese on a cheeseboard.
When each party has a role, blame games automatically reduce. Because at that point, each partner knows their roles and the importance of fulfilling them.
Another thing to note: When your partner fails to hold the end of the bargain on their roles, don't blame them, resist the urge. In such a situation, brainstorm a way to cut the imbalances. For example, if your hubby tends to spend too much of the joint funds, you can create a budget with a max spend net.
You Might Need To Get Help
Frankly, despite all the steps we have mentioned, you might still never curb the blame game. If that's you, don't feel down – it is completely normal. Besides, breaking any habit takes time. And often, you might even need help to break your die-hard habits.
So, in the case of the blame game you so much hated, you can seek help too. Seek a marriage counselor and ask for help. We'd advise that you go with your spouse. But it is okay if you want to handle this part by yourself.
Pro tip: Therapy can even help you unlock and crush other cocooned habits that might break your marriage or faint out the spark!
Suggested reading: How To Fire Up Your Marriage When The Spark Is Gone
You could obviously use fruit juice after all that argument. But really, make lemonade from your situation. You might have to let go of several "perfectionist" tendencies if that helps you and your partner stop the blame game. And by all means, that is not saying you should let go of your standards!
No! What we meant is that you should agree with your partner to reach a compromise. And most importantly, don't take everything personally.
In the end, most of the issues in marriage or any relationship – are things you and your other half could laugh about. So, treat the lows, overcome and learn from them – those moments are what will eventually strengthen the bond of your marriage.